Politics: Washington’s Drama—Now With a Side of Shutdown Hangover
Only in America do we call it “progress” when Congress spends 43 days arguing over whether the lights stay on, only to pat themselves on the back for not burning the place down entirely. President Trump just signed the papers to end the longest government shutdown in U.S. history—a marathon so pointless even the House cafeteria probably ran out of Jell-O. Meanwhile, both sides are already lining up for the sequel, with conservatives pushing to hold the line on spending while Senate Dems are daring each other to blink first. Bonus plot twist: “Arctic Frost,” a DOJ/FBI deep dive into the conservative donor list, proves Big Brother’s still got time for snooping, even when the government’s “closed for business”.
Sports: NFL—Parity’s a Myth, But The Soap Opera’s Real
NFL Week 11 is here, but does anyone really believe the Patriots are back just because they won a couple games? In today’s league, coaches are fired midseason (sorry, Daboll), MVP odds change faster than Hunter Biden’s lawyers, and the Cowboys’ annual playoff hype cycle is in full swing—guaranteed heartbreak sold separately. This week, the Colts are on a bye after a historic game in Berlin (because nothing says American football like schnitzel and a 9:30am kickoff). Grab a cold one and brace for another round of “any given Sunday”—unless you’re the Giants.
Bourbon: America’s Native Spirit—Innovation (and Value) Still Matters
How about some good news? Sazerac just nabbed the 2025 IWSC Bourbon Producer Trophy, proving that America still makes things better, older, and stronger (looking at you, Congress). Buffalo Trace keeps bottles under $28; Eagle Rare’s still below $50—bourbon for the people, not just the influencers. New releases from Garrison Brothers and Castle & Key are here, too, so if you’re feeling experimental, now’s the time to expand the top shelf—not your credit limit.
Cigars: Premium Puff—The American Recovery Act No One Talks About
The doom-and-gloom crowd predicted the end of premium cigars. Wrong again. Imports surged 9% this year, with the high-end segment (cigars over $0.76—because apparently, we price them like bargain bourbon) also on the rise. The Premium Cigar Association isn’t just keeping the lights on—they’re adding members by the hundreds and pushing back in court against more regulation, because nothing says “leave me alone” like lighting up after reading the news.
The Takeaway
Common sense isn’t dead—yet—but you won’t find it on cable news or TikTok. Pour a glass, spark a stick, and remember: America runs on grit, hope, and the fine art of not taking the headlines too seriously.